it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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