Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
