the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Randomize
