The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
How does one acquire holy water?
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
