oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
