I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
i am craving dick and cupcakes
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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