I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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