As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
