i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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