Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
