perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
