So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
