I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
