I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
