i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
