after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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