Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
