Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
