Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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