I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
True strength comes from lack of pants
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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