I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Hippo gnu deer
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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