if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
