my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
