we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
