I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
