I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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