Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
