I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
