So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
