Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
