why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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