You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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