ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
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