So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
