my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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