I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
