so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
