Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
