don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
