I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
