They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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