I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
