I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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