this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
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