i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
