I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
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