he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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