He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
