ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Randomize
