i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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