i just wanna soil my oats bro
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
