false alarm. still invincible.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
