god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
My friends, they love my intelligence
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
