i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
