My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
