Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
