He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Randomize
