I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
