May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
