she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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