Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
