you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
