we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
