someone threw a dead crab at me
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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