dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
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