Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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