We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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