dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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