Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
